in a perfect world

so yet again i have another day off. it feels silly not to be working but starting tomorrow i work non-stop for the next few days so i know these days are a gift and i should use them wisely. that's why i tried to really make the most of today...

i woke up early! really early.

the kind of early that makes you feel good after a good nights sleep.

it's the feeling of today is going to be great, and productive.

i am going to accomplishing something today!
i got out of bed and sneaked into the kitchen as to not wake the two that still lay soundly sleeping.

i put on a pot of coffee and headed into the study room.

i eventually sat down with my coffee and checked my e-mails, my blog, my website, a few unnecessary sites.

(if we got the new york times this would be when i would browse it)

i then headed off to the shower.

After a quick shower i headed into the kitchen for a quick and healthy breakfast right before settling into the mess i had left on the floor from my day off work i started yesterday.

i put on some music...something i haven't heard in a while that excites me, but yet is still comforting and inspirational.

i begin to sketch a few things in a tiny little notebook i've been keeping before really getting into the mess.

i'm running a few experiments and testing new transfers to different fabrics.

after playing and reflecting for a while i notice the time and realize i need to get going.

i slide on my boots and head out the door and a little over 20mins later i'm meeting a friend for coffee.

yes, more coffee...and maybe some soup.

after a little lunch and some great conversation we head off to browse a few stores.

along the way we are bouncing creative ideas off of one another and doing some basic catching up.

with out losing to much time to our days we know it's time to go.

we say goodbye both feeling relieved to have a good friend, someone to meet and chat with and feeling a little inspired from each other.

i head back home.

(if i lived in the city this might be when i hit up a museum to get some more inspiration or depending on what kind of day it is maybe i head to the gym, maybe i just head out and browse for some new supplies)

but eventually i go home and lose my self in preparing dinner.

after it's made i go back to doing more experiments until he is home and it's time to eat.

we have a nice dinner while he talks about his day at work and i talk about my day and new creative ideas i have for projects.

after dinner i linger a little longer over my projects and eventually call it quites for the day.

i get comfy and ready for bed.

i bring my little notebook and a new book i've just stared to my bed side table unsure of which i am going to indulge in.

while i jot in the notebook briefly making a few news from my what feels productive day i eventually get sucked into my book.

i read until my eyes get heavy and then i remove my glasses as i doze off into sleep wishing tomorrow could be just like today and i would never have to work.

...my day off today, went nothing like this...as i'm sure you can tell. instead, i stayed in bed way to long, watched to much tv, ran a few choice errands, indulged in too many unnecessary pointless magazines, and took one nap too many. i can feel today slipping away. a very unproductive day it was.
then again this is not a perfect world.

maybe one day soon will be like how i've depicted above.

let the updating and thinking begin..

alright, that's it. today's the day!

from here on out updating on a regular basis it is!

i can't promise they are all going to be spectacular or even all have pictures ha

but they will help me. help me stay focused on something and maybe even guide me into something new.

so today i set up my "home office".

by "home office" i mean my new wireless printer/scanner. ha.

it excites me a lot. i'm not one for wasting paper but the joy of pressing print on my computer, which is three rooms away, and then walking into the room where the printer is to have whatever i just sent to print already be laying there is really satisfying. i've already printed three unnecessary things. lol. and i'm forcing myself to stop now for the sake of the trees. i guess it just feels good to have some new equipment around. i really, really need to save up for a new camera and some lighting equipment! that's whats on the list next.

today however is kind of a weird day. prior to this i had so much on my mind.

today feels slow.

even on the days i had off from work i was thinking about and preparing for graduation and then christmas. that's all over with and today is the first day i have off from work and i'm not worrying or preparing for anything. which means there is a lot of thinking going on...and a little bit of what now?

i told myself that graduating wouldn't really hit or effect me until after winter break was over, because even if i were still in school i would be doing the same thing i'm doing now, working my part-time job as much as possible! it's when winter break is over and everyone goes back that i thought it would hit me.

however, with out going into to much personal detail a very though decision was placed on my boyfriend. he took everything, including me, into consideration and realized that the decision effects both of us greatly. in the end with the decision made we need to start watching our money and saving and planning as a team. all in all the whole situation was a bit of a wake up call as in...your going to need to be an actual adult a lot sooner then you planned! i know that sounds a bit silly, as in i am already practically twenty three and should be an adult already, but i still thought i'd bask in the glory of graduating for awhile before panicking to much about money, jobs, insurance...and life in general! but it's all here and it's all very real...can't wait for six months to be up so i can start working on those student loans too :/

while this is all a worry now, i think i'll...we'll be alright.

when i sit back and look at it i am happy and i am healthy and i love my unpredictable life! and these are things i need to keep reminding myself of.

this whole situation has put yet a stronger bond on our relationship. i really appreciate and am thankful for the jobs we have, the apartment we live in, the food we eat every night, our little friend sassy, and most of all each other. so while i feel i have a few more stressors in my life i also feel i have a few new eye openers and take things a little less for granted.

i am using the rest of my day to clean. there is nothing like cleaning when you have a lot of thinking and reflecting to do.

i leave you with this little quote that i love and feel right now, it's from a book (And the Heart Says Whatever) i just finished reading and recommend.

"The future was still unclear, but just unclear enough to be exciting and not so unclear as to be frightening."

<3

Merry Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cP26ndrmtg

Merry Christmas!

beginning to look a lot like...free time, and cake

ahh it's been awhile. and a lot has happened!

i really want to try and update this blog on a daily basis. as a matter of fact i'm making that my new goal after christmas. i'd like to update at least every other day, which should be no problem considering...I GRADUATED!! thats right i graduated, which means i will have lots and lots of time for...well things like updating my blog. ha.i'd also like to note that i am updating from my new macbook pro that has a full creative suite on it including...photoshop cs5! which i am pumped about. the computer was a gift from my grandparents and parents and i am so thankful to them for it. its a good computer that i can use professionally for the next few years. i also should have plenty of time to really take a plunge into my art and keep you updated along the way!

me and my baby graduating together! the way we filed in i was suppose to be the last name called but he was a sweetheart and switched with me :)

my sisters!! well the one on the left is and the other is my best friend lyndsey, who was my surprise for the day!! she's like my sister because we have been there for each other through everything! it's really great when you have a true friendship that is completely self-less no matter what the situation! love you guys<3

when i'm not enjoying my new found free time i'm working my butt off in the bakery at well i don't think i should say the companies name but they would like to be known as a high class grocery store. which around the holiday is not fun and really draining. i have bruises all over my body from squeezing in between racks and racks of cakes and pies and pastries. thats the worst thing about working around the holiday...we make so much product and the space is so tiny that there is NO room to move anywhere!! not too mention we store so much product away. so it was just wonderful news to find out the other day that all the chocolate cake we made and iced were no put away properly and all were freezer burned!! so myeight and a half hour shift consisted of nothing but icing chocolate cakes like a mad women. i had planned to do some baking for the holidays, i had drawn a little sketch for a holiday cake, but work has kinda ruined that for me. when i come home the last thing i want to see is cake or cookies or frosting of any kind. i'm actually starting to be repulsed by it...especially chocolate icing. uh.

so i need to run now and put together some last min holiday baskets but i hope everyone has a wonderful holiday...and at all cost avoid getting sick if you can because i am...and it's not fun.

i am very happy to be spending the holiday with my family!! especially my little friend kayle!!

i'm sad however that we will be missing one family member this christmas. rip kody<3

we miss you!

...love the ones your with.

Hello and sorry for the lack of posts.

Things have been...well a little rough.

The holiday was nice and the weekend after Thanksgiving we celebrated my moms birthday by going into Bethlehem. It was a lovely time. But after this things however became not so cheery...

I've been feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted lately. Part of me wants to say it's the winter weather and the fact that it's so gray everyday but who really knows. All I know is I go to bed by 9 and have trouble waking up because it feels like I've only had 4 hours of sleep. School seems hectic the way the last two weeks usually due which doesn't help anything right now. I was feeling excited about graduation but I've lost that feeling completely..it's hard to fell any joy at a time like this.

This past Friday night, December 3rd, my grandfather passed away. This is the first grandparent I've lost and it's very upsetting. At the same time though I know he is in a peaceful place and not suffering anymore like he was here. More upsetting then his death though is the way my family is acting and handling the situation. I won't post personal family drama in this blog..and I know that everyone deals with a loss differently...but I don't see how someone can be so selfish in a time like this. I wish the right thing was being done. Whats important though is that my grandmother is still the strong and inspiring woman I know her to be and I pray for her during this difficult time.

To add to my overwhelming feeling of sadness my dog, Kody, is not doing very well. Kody is the brother I never had. I know some people don't see that kind of connection with animals but I feel so strongly about Kody that when he goes I will feel like I am losing a part of myself. This is the first family dog that we have had since he was a puppy and we got to see him grow and we grew with him. He was always barking which annoys almost everyone but I'd like to think he is always just trying to tell us an exciting story. The thing that gets me most about Kody is his passion for being outside. I'd like to think Kody is an observer much like myself as he sits in the backyard and just takes in the things going by and happening around him. I love and look forward to the fact that as long as someone is home I know when I pull up to the house the first one to greet me will be Kody. I always try to spend five mins. or so having just Kody time before heading inside. I can't imagine pulling up to my backyard and not seeing Kody there ready to greet me when I come in the fence. It all started when I noticed Kody was bleeding. To cut a few details out we eventually found out that Kody has..what would kind of be like anemia in people..this means when he gets a cut or something he doesn't stop bleeding. It also means he bruises very very easily. After the vet shaved him you could see the bruises all over his body. He was suppose to have a surgery this afternoon but they called it off after realizing how bad his condition was. To make sure his bleeding stops they have him on medication and steroids. If this doesn't help things could take a turn for the worse. I'm so sad that I can't be home everyday during this time to see him. Please pray for Kody. I've been crying everyday and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much I love him...the furry white ball of fuzz that he is.

As you can see things are not exactly cheery and times have definitely been better but I'm trying to hold on to any sign of happiness and even a little bit of holiday cheer,which along with graduation doesn't seem to fit at a time like this,...my mom however bought me a little tree for my apartment. I named it Glen but you can call him Glee the Christmas tree for fun ha. It's pretty tiny, it's sitting on the floor and it only comes to about my waste, and it doesn't have many ornaments on it. But I strung some lights on it and when you turn off all the lights in the apartment the warm glow from Glen make me feel a little ting of happiness.

I have a good support team though. Stephen is being extremely wonderful and comforting me when I need it. Sassy is quite comforting herself when she comes to meow at you as she rubs herself along you head to toe. I am a little worried though that sassy is suffering from kitty depression, I think she misses her previous home, I want her to know though that we love her and she will have a good home here. I just really wish we knew her real name. I think that would make things a little better.

Well..I'm signing off for now. I leave you with the picture below...it's me and some of the strong, beautiful, independent women in my family from when we went to Bethlehem. I love them and look up to them all. Even the younger ones.

Take a look around you. See the people that surround you...and love the ones your with.