...love the ones your with.

Hello and sorry for the lack of posts.

Things have been...well a little rough.

The holiday was nice and the weekend after Thanksgiving we celebrated my moms birthday by going into Bethlehem. It was a lovely time. But after this things however became not so cheery...

I've been feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted lately. Part of me wants to say it's the winter weather and the fact that it's so gray everyday but who really knows. All I know is I go to bed by 9 and have trouble waking up because it feels like I've only had 4 hours of sleep. School seems hectic the way the last two weeks usually due which doesn't help anything right now. I was feeling excited about graduation but I've lost that feeling completely..it's hard to fell any joy at a time like this.

This past Friday night, December 3rd, my grandfather passed away. This is the first grandparent I've lost and it's very upsetting. At the same time though I know he is in a peaceful place and not suffering anymore like he was here. More upsetting then his death though is the way my family is acting and handling the situation. I won't post personal family drama in this blog..and I know that everyone deals with a loss differently...but I don't see how someone can be so selfish in a time like this. I wish the right thing was being done. Whats important though is that my grandmother is still the strong and inspiring woman I know her to be and I pray for her during this difficult time.

To add to my overwhelming feeling of sadness my dog, Kody, is not doing very well. Kody is the brother I never had. I know some people don't see that kind of connection with animals but I feel so strongly about Kody that when he goes I will feel like I am losing a part of myself. This is the first family dog that we have had since he was a puppy and we got to see him grow and we grew with him. He was always barking which annoys almost everyone but I'd like to think he is always just trying to tell us an exciting story. The thing that gets me most about Kody is his passion for being outside. I'd like to think Kody is an observer much like myself as he sits in the backyard and just takes in the things going by and happening around him. I love and look forward to the fact that as long as someone is home I know when I pull up to the house the first one to greet me will be Kody. I always try to spend five mins. or so having just Kody time before heading inside. I can't imagine pulling up to my backyard and not seeing Kody there ready to greet me when I come in the fence. It all started when I noticed Kody was bleeding. To cut a few details out we eventually found out that Kody has..what would kind of be like anemia in people..this means when he gets a cut or something he doesn't stop bleeding. It also means he bruises very very easily. After the vet shaved him you could see the bruises all over his body. He was suppose to have a surgery this afternoon but they called it off after realizing how bad his condition was. To make sure his bleeding stops they have him on medication and steroids. If this doesn't help things could take a turn for the worse. I'm so sad that I can't be home everyday during this time to see him. Please pray for Kody. I've been crying everyday and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much I love him...the furry white ball of fuzz that he is.

As you can see things are not exactly cheery and times have definitely been better but I'm trying to hold on to any sign of happiness and even a little bit of holiday cheer,which along with graduation doesn't seem to fit at a time like this,...my mom however bought me a little tree for my apartment. I named it Glen but you can call him Glee the Christmas tree for fun ha. It's pretty tiny, it's sitting on the floor and it only comes to about my waste, and it doesn't have many ornaments on it. But I strung some lights on it and when you turn off all the lights in the apartment the warm glow from Glen make me feel a little ting of happiness.

I have a good support team though. Stephen is being extremely wonderful and comforting me when I need it. Sassy is quite comforting herself when she comes to meow at you as she rubs herself along you head to toe. I am a little worried though that sassy is suffering from kitty depression, I think she misses her previous home, I want her to know though that we love her and she will have a good home here. I just really wish we knew her real name. I think that would make things a little better.

Well..I'm signing off for now. I leave you with the picture below...it's me and some of the strong, beautiful, independent women in my family from when we went to Bethlehem. I love them and look up to them all. Even the younger ones.

Take a look around you. See the people that surround you...and love the ones your with.